Die Hard Pearl Jam Fans- As I’ve mentioned numerous times before I’m a huge Pearl Jam fan. So naturally I went to see Eddie Vedder a few times on his recent tour.
One thing that always irks me is when the hardcore fans who are standing during Rival sit down during Porch. They sit because they’re cooler than everyone else who only know the words to the radio hits. I get it. But the fact is that those are the songs that got you into the band in the first place.
So get up off your ass and sing along with everyone else. You aint that cool. And stop holding up signs requesting Bugs. Nobody likes that song and that’s perfectly fine to admit.
Awesome Concert Venues- One of the shows Eddie played was at the Santa Barbara Bowl. If you’ve never seen a show there I’d highly recommend it. Along with the Greek Theatre in LA and the Red Rocks Amphitheater in Colorado it’s one of the coolest venues I’ve been to.
Bathroom Stalls- I’ve still never figured out why these can’t open outwardly. Or if you’re not gonna allow them to open outwardly at least give us an extra six inches inside the stall so that when opening the door we don’t have to be leaning back on the bowl with 100 other guys pee rubbing up against our calf.
Bathroom Doors- And how could you not figure out by now that these should open outwardly? After washing their hands no one wants to pull that disgusting door handle open. So to save your rest room money in extra paper towels and to avoid the mess of them being piled up on the floor near the door, simply have the door set up so you push it to exit. Is that really that hard to figure out?
Fake Names & URL’s in Blog Comments- Do people really not know in July of 2011 that leaving your name as “Kevin’s Strap On Store,” or “Mikey’s Muscle Program” in your blog comments is considered spam and makes you look like a jackass? Even worse is when you post your URL in the comment box. That is first class spam and is the worst possible offense. There’s a box on every blog on the planet that allows you to leave your web address. Don’t enter it twice! You know how obnoxious that is?
Shrinking Wangs- Why is your wang the only part of your body that can literally shrink to half its normal size at any given moment? Imagine if you went swimming and came out of the water with a tiny little Beetlejuice head. That’d be some weird shit.
Crowds- When I was younger I always heard people older than me talk about how they couldn’t handle large crowds and that the problem got worse every year of their lives. Now I’m experiencing the same thing. I still go to lots of concerts and live sporting events so I deal with it.
But I definitely freaks me out a lot more than it used to. I was in Vegas for business this weekend and stayed at The Hard Rock. Ten years ago I would have been in the mix during Rehab on Sunday. This time I just had to watch it from my hotel room then get the hell out of town. That shit would have driven me insane.
Big Box Fitness Centers- Last week I was at one of those humongous big box fitness centers for the first time in at least ten years. Holy shit. Talk about being freaked out.
I didn’t know what to do with myself. If I wasn’t with a friend of mine who I planned on training with I would have left in a heartbeat. I really feel for any of you guys who have to deal with that. I’d train at the park with straight bodyweight or just a couple kettlebells if that was my only option.
Under Armour Boxers- I’ve been searching for years to find the perfect boxers. Typical boxers ride up too much. Others have that shitty waistband which gives out after a month. Then you have the boxer briefs which are either too long or too short; and the ones that neuter you. Finally I came across the Under Armour Boxers and I must say that my life long search is over. These are hands down the best on the market. Give em a shot and let me know if you agree. Actually, don’t. I don’t want to talk underwear with men. But I figured I’d let you know about my findings.
Loose Neck T-Shirts- There is no other wardrobe fail that drives me quite as nuts as a loose neck t-shirt. I don’t understand how guys can’t know this by now. There is no worse look than a big, flowing boat neck t-shirt. You want that shit high and tight like a good fade back in ’93. Any dude can instantly take his whole look up a notch by simply eliminating the loose neck gear from his wardrobe. It’s really that simple. And if you have a shirt you really like that happens to have a weak looking loose neck simply wear a tight neck t-shirt under it. Problem solved, coolness elevated.
WWF, Hip Hop and Big Asses- For as long as I can remember I was obsessed with those three things. Then one day in 1997 I saw wrestling go mainstream. From 1985 to sometime in the early 2000’s you couldn’t find the kind of music I listened to on the radio or at most clubs. Then one day it was mainstream. Back in the late 80’s and early 90’s when I was really gettin at the ladies for the first time I was always attracted to the largest derriere in the room. I just knew that’s where it was at. But in those days a big ass wasn’t the prized possession it is these days. In fact, most white girls wanted smaller asses, which is why I tried to avoid them as much as possible. Nowadays, thanks to Beyonce, J-Lo and hip hop video girls everywhere having a big ass is like winning the lottery for a female. And that’s a great world to live in. The point of all this is I was into these things way before all yall, which makes me really fuckin cool. Word.
Got any random thoughts of your own to share or have any comments on mine? Let’s hear ’em in the comments section below.