Iron and the Soul


By Henry Rollins

I believe that the definition of definition is reinvention. To not be like you parents. To not be like your friends. To be yourself. Completely.

When I was young I had no sense of myself. All I was, was a product of all the fear and humiliation I suffered. Fear of my parents. The humiliation of teachers calling me “garbage can” and telling me I’d be mowing lawns for a living. And the very real terror of my fellow students. I was threatened and beaten up for the color of my skin and my size. I was skinny and clumsy, and when others would tease me I didn’t run home crying, wondering why. I knew all too well. I was there to be antagonized. In sports I was laughed at. A spaz. I was pretty good at boxing but only because the rage that filled my every waking moment made me wild and unpredictable. I fought with some strange fury. The other boys thought I was crazy.

I hated myself all the time. As stupid at it seems now, I wanted to talk like them, dress like them, carry myself with the ease of knowing that I wasn’t going to get pounded in the hallway between classes.

Years passed and I learned to keep it all inside. I only talked to a few boys in my grade. Other losers. Some of them are to this day the greatest people I have ever known. Hang out with a guy who has had his head flushed down a toilet a few times, treat him with respect, and you’ll find a faithful friend forever. But even with friends, school sucked. Teachers gave me hard time. I didn’t think much of them either.

Then came Mr. Pepperman, my adviser. He was a powerfully built Vietnam veteran, and he was scary. No one ever talked out of turn in his class. Once one kid did and Mr. P. lifted him off the ground and pinned him to the blackboard.

Mr. P. could see that I was in bad shape, and one Friday in October he asked me if I had ever worked out with weights. I told him no. He told me that I was going to take some of the money that I had saved and buy a hundred-pound set of weights at Sears. As I left his office, I started to think of things I would say to him on Monday when he asked about the weights that I was not going to buy. Still, it made me feel special. My father never really got that close to caring. On Saturday I bought the weights, but I couldn’t even drag them to my mom’s car. An attendant laughed at me as he put them on a dolly.

Monday came and I was called into Mr. P.’s office after school. He said that he was going to show me how to work out. He was going to put me on a program and start hitting me in the solar plexus in the hallway when I wasn’t looking. When I could take the punch we would know that we were getting somewhere. At no time was I to look at myself in the mirror or tell anyone at school what I was doing.

In the gym he showed me ten basic exercises. I paid more attention than I ever did in any of my classes. I didn’t want to blow it. I went home that night and started right in. Weeks passed, and every once in a while Mr. P. would give me a shot and drop me in the hallway, sending my books flying. The other students didn’t know what to think. More weeks passed, and I was steadily adding new weights to the bar. I could sense the power inside my body growing. I could feel it.

Right before Christmas break I was walking to class, and from out of nowhere Mr. Pepperman appeared and gave me a shot in the chest. I laughed and kept going. He said I could look at myself now. I got home and ran to the bathroom and pulled off my shirt. I saw a body, not just the shell that housed my stomach and my heart. My biceps bulged. My chest had definition. I felt strong. It was the first time I can remember having a sense of myself. I had done something and no one could ever take it away. You couldn’t say **** to me.

It took me years to fully appreciate the value of the lessons I have learned from the Iron. I used to think that it was my adversary, that I was trying to lift that which does not want to be lifted. I was wrong. When the Iron doesn’t want to come off the mat, it’s the kindest thing it can do for you. If it flew up and went through the ceiling, it wouldn’t teach you anything. That’s the way the Iron talks to you. It tells you that the material you work with is that which you will come to resemble. That which you work against will always work against you.

It wasn’t until my late twenties that I learned that by working out I had given myself a great gift. I learned that nothing good comes without work and a certain amount of pain. When I finish a set that leaves me shaking, I know more about myself. When something gets bad, I know it can’t be as bad as that workout.

I used to fight the pain, but recently this became clear to me: pain is not my enemy; it is my call to greatness. But when dealing with the Iron, one must be careful to interpret the pain correctly. Most injuries involving the Iron come from ego. I once spent a few weeks lifting weight that my body wasn’t ready for and spent a few months not picking up anything heavier than a fork. Try to lift what you’re not prepared to and the Iron will teach you a little lesson in restraint and self-control.

I have never met a truly strong person who didn’t have self-respect. I think a lot of inwardly and outwardly directed contempt passes itself off as self-respect: the idea of raising yourself by stepping on someone’s shoulders instead of doing it yourself. When I see guys working out for cosmetic reasons, I see vanity exposing them in the worst way, as cartoon characters, billboards for imbalance and insecurity. Strength reveals itself through character. It is the difference between bouncers who get off strong-arming people and Mr. Pepperman.

Muscle mass does not always equal strength. Strength is kindness and sensitivity. Strength is understanding that your power is both physical and emotional. That it comes from the body and the mind. And the heart.

Yukio Mishima said that he could not entertain the idea of romance if he was not strong. Romance is such a strong and overwhelming passion, a weakened body cannot sustain it for long. I have some of my most romantic thoughts when I am with the Iron. Once I was in love with a woman. I thought about her the most when the pain from a workout was racing through my body. Everything in me wanted her. So much so that sex was only a fraction of my total desire. It was the single most intense love I have ever felt, but she lived far away and I didn’t see her very often. Working out was a healthy way of dealing with the loneliness. To this day, when I work out I usually listen to ballads.

I prefer to work out alone. It enables me to concentrate on the lessons that the Iron has for me. Learning about what you’re made of is always time well spent, and I have found no better teacher. The Iron had taught me how to live.

Life is capable of driving you out of your mind. The way it all comes down these days, it’s some kind of miracle if you’re not insane. People have become separated from their bodies. They are no longer whole. I see them move from their offices to their cars and on to their suburban homes. They stress out constantly, they lose sleep, they eat badly. And they behave badly. Their egos run wild; they become motivated by that which will eventually give them a massive stroke. They need the Iron mind.

Through the years, I have combined meditation, action, and the Iron into a single strength. I believe that when the body is strong, the mind thinks strong thoughts. Time spent away from the Iron makes my mind degenerate. I wallow in a thick depression. My body shuts down my mind. The Iron is the best antidepressant I have ever found. There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength. Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it’s impossible to turn back.

The Iron never lies to you. You can walk outside and listen to all kinds of talk, get told that you’re a god or a total bastard. The Iron will always kick you the real deal. The Iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver. Always there like a beacon in the pitch black. I have found the Iron to be my greatest friend. It never freaks out on me, never runs. Friends may come and go. But two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds.


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15 Responses to Iron and the Soul

  1. Brian R February 28, 2009 at 7:43 am #

    I think this article might have changed my life. One of the most powerful things I’ve ever read.

    Thank You

  2. ms Jo February 28, 2009 at 12:41 pm #

    Word.

  3. SaraL February 28, 2009 at 1:21 pm #

    Thanks, Jason.
    I read exactly this 6 months ago, and it is what saved me.
    Also, search for “I know you,” if this link doesn’t work:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPuj-p_FoYo

  4. Jas February 28, 2009 at 3:17 pm #

    Very good article. Made me think about my own life. Thanks for not just providing tips about lifting, but also about living.

  5. Mike R February 28, 2009 at 4:53 pm #

    Never been a Henry Rollins fan till now. I am going to print this out, frame it and put it on my wall.

  6. Jake March 1, 2009 at 4:21 pm #

    WOW! This is a great article. I have been a massive fan of Henry Rollins for decades and this is the first time I’ve read this one from him. So good. Thank you Jason!

    (However, as much as I admire Henry (which is a lot) – I’m hesitant on trying to train to ballads). ( :

  7. Vadim March 1, 2009 at 9:38 pm #

    The first time I read this article (sometime ago) I looked at myself and realized that i was working out for all the wrong reasons…. I realized that all the time I spent in the gym until then was actually time wasted trying to impress society. I guess that is why strength and size was always up for a month and down the next, because i thought that when I reached a specific number on the barbell, or when I weighed a certain amount society would somehow magically be impressed. I, like so many average gym rats, was full of the exact bullshit that’s responsible for the negative stereotypes against those who lift weights.

    I believe that everyone who begins weight training does so out of some kind of external motivation, and that’s totally okay. However, the few who actually stick to their guns, develop, and most importantly maintain a truly powerful and impressive physique do so out self-respect, and the realization that it is one of the greatest gifts one can bestow upon themselves physically, mentally, and spiritually, as Henry Rollins beautifully describes in this article (which by the way I always re-read if shit happens in my life).

    A must read for anyone who juices up to the gill and wears cut off shirts in the middle of winter.

    Thanks Jason of staying true.

    Cheers

  8. Vadim March 1, 2009 at 9:42 pm #

    The first time I read this article (sometime ago) I looked at myself and realized that i was working out for all the wrong reasons…. I realized that all the time I spent in the gym until then was actually time wasted trying to impress society. I guess that is why strength and size was always up for a month and down the next, because i thought that when I reached a specific number on the barbell, or when I weighed a certain amount society would somehow magically be impressed. I, like so many average gym rats, was full of the exact bull***t that’s responsible for the negative stereotypes against those who lift weights.

    I believe that everyone who begins weight training does so out of some kind of external motivation, and that’s totally okay. However, the few who actually stick to their guns, develop, and most importantly maintain a truly powerful and impressive physique do so out self-respect, and the realization that it is one of the greatest gifts one can bestow upon themselves physically, mentally, and spiritually, as Henry Rollins beautifully describes in this article (which by the way I always re-read if s**t happens in my life).

    A must read for anyone who juices up to the gill and wears cut off shirts in the middle of winter.

    Thanks Jason of staying true.

    Cheers

  9. Amanda March 2, 2009 at 12:34 pm #

    Awesome post. I couldn’t agree more.Thanks!

  10. Marcos March 3, 2009 at 8:29 am #

    I have had the same respect for Iron since freshman year in high school when I got under the bar on bench and adjust my grip only for the bar to fall on my cheek nearly fracturing my orbital. Since then I have always respected it and don’t feel the same when I don’t train.

  11. Praverb March 3, 2009 at 4:48 pm #

    definitely feeling the content on this blog…I added your blog to my list…peace out Jason

  12. Nicole June 4, 2009 at 6:52 am #

    Excellent post.

    Strength in body and mind is part of being a healthy, independent person. I don’t think it’s very healthy if you’re an Organics-Only-Vegan or a Yogurt-Eating Cardio Queen if you have the muscle mass and strength of a 12 year old and struggle to open heavy doors. Wish we could get this “Iron message” out to more women.

  13. Hussman June 4, 2009 at 2:26 pm #

    This was truly amazing. Bookmarking this.

  14. Mike T Nelson June 4, 2009 at 4:30 pm #

    Hell yeah! EXCELLENT article. Henry is the MAN and I have been a huge Rollins fan since I first was blown away by “End of Silence” in 1992.

    Rock on
    Mike T Nelson
    PhD(c), CSCS, RKC, ZMT

  15. Caesey June 8, 2010 at 11:13 am #

    Inspiring words from an Inspirational Man :)