A Day in the Life

“I never sleep, cuz sleep is the cousin of death.”
Nas- New York State of Mind

I was supposed to be Eminem. At least that’s the way I saw it back in ’88. It was my freshman year of high school and the Beastie Boys were yet to be taken seriously, so I figured I could be the first great white rapper. I practiced my rhymes all the time and just knew that within a few years I’d be on tour opening for Public Enemy. Then 3rd Bass came along and crushed my dreams. But I could at least be second, I thought…

Twenty three years later I still write and rap every day. Except that I don’t write raps. I write about training and I rap along to Eminem, Nas, Biggie and thousands of other classic hip hop songs on my iPod.

I also:

Coach athletes and regular people who want to get bigger, stronger and faster
Design training programs
Answer questions
Order new stuff for the gym or myself to try out
Test out and review products people send me for free
Do all kinds of networking and behind the scenes business stuff
Read about training
Read about business
Keep in constant contact with the eleven people I pay to work for me on a regular basis
And whatever else I need to do in order to ensure my success

It’s all about the hustle. It’s the only way I know how to live.

While it may not be as glamorous as touring the world rocking mics and partying with my groupies backstage, I love what I do and wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Here’s a sneak peak into a recent day.

4:56am- I wake up with an incredible urge to pee and while en route to the bathroom write the first few sentences to an article I had promised my buddy, Chris McCombs.

5:02am- What’s the use? I already have the article started in my head and I can’t risk forgetting the opening. May as well get it done now, I decide. So I fill up a 40oz bottle of water and get to work.

5:43am- With that one done I decide to get started on another article for the Huffington Post.

7:07am- Check in on social media stuff and blast a few tweets to my Twitter and status updates to my Facebook page. It’s all very noteworthy, life changing stuff… like Jerky Boys quotes and my commentary on the effectiveness of coconut oil as a sexual lubricant.

7:09am- Notice that I have a decent number of new fans on my Facebook Page since I last checked and when I click on them I notice the steadily increasing number of good looking females. If only I had a mic in my hand this could all be so different.

7:14am- Hop in the shower, alone, and get ready to head to Renegade.

Michael Flynn approaches 500

7:23am- After getting distracted by an important email I text my long time good friend and Renegade staff member, Alyson that I’m running late and she’ll need to open up for me.

7:31am- Throw some One World Whey and Athletic Greens in a shaker bottle for later as I run out the door.

8-10am- Coach two groups of clients.

10:09am- My eyes start closing while I’m standing and in mid conversation with my brother. This is unusual since the dude is pretty intense and keeps you on your toes, to say the least. With all that’s been going on lately I’ve barely slept in days. I decide I need one of my four monthly cups of coffee right now.

10:32am- Caffeine seems to be kicking in and Jared and I discuss some business issues as he gets started painting on the new record boards. We wanted to add some more boards/categories and decided that chalkboard paint like we had in the old place was the best choice.

10:37am- We settle on bench, squat, dead, log clean and press, pushup, chin up, broad jump and farmers hold. That covers a broad enough spectrum of maximal strength, power and strength endurance. I would love to have some kind of lower body endurance challenge but the space we’re in doesn’t allow for it. While a wall sit is a fun toughness challenge it’s not worthy of a record board.

Since we still don’t have a log light enough for the girls we decided to sub in a high rep barbell clean and press as a temporary challenge. As many reps as you can get in a minute with 65 pounds. Aly bangs out 17 on her first attempt below.

10:44am- I call John Alvino. “Hey maggot (a name we always call each other because it makes us fondly recall the Iron Sheik vs. Sargent Slaughter feud), before we finalize these new record boards can you think of anything else worth adding?” We decide to leave it as is. Somehow the conversation deviates to big asses and the like, as it usually does. When we were 22 I would have never guessed that we’d still be having the same conversations 15 years later and would still be so easily distracted by the sight of boobies. In mid sentence John says, “I gotta go, bye.”

Click. Just like that he’s gone and I have no problem with it. When you’re on a cell phone you may have to hang up with someone at any second. Having that understanding makes it very easy to talk to someone on the phone. If I know I can’t get off the phone that easily with someone I won’t call them… ever. I simply can’t deal with giving an explanation of why I have to go. I just do and I’m hanging up. I’ll call you back at some point.

I also can’t deal with the questioning…

“What? Just like that? You’re hanging up right now? Are you gonna call me back?”

It’s one of my least favorite lines of questioning on this earth.

But apologizing for getting disconnected is equally as irritating.

“What happened? Was that my phone? Your phone? Sorry, dude I don’t know what’s wrong with my phone…”

“ALRIGHT!” I get it. Who cares? Just move on with the conversation like nothing happened. I think in 2011 we all understand that calls will be dropped from time to time. Let’s pick up where we left off and move forward.

Walt hits 500 for a set of 8 rack pulls

10:52am-I review four resumes my assistant had forwarded me and a few internship requests.

10:55am- Upload my bio and head shot to send to Adam at Live Strong where I’ll be a new member of their five man fitness advisory team. I wonder for a minute if anyone else on the staff could be as handsome as me. The chances are slim I realize, so I send the pic along.

11am- Do a phone consultation with a multi time NFL Pro Bowler, mainly about nutrition.

12pm- Call to wish my mom a happy birthday and regret not doing so earlier in the morning. We go back and forth about whether something she had told me yesterday that I forgot was due to my inability to pay attention or my lack of memory. I argue for memory loss, she’s standing strong behind her opinion that my listening skills suck. We agree to disagree… I think. I can’t remember.

12:07pm- I laugh at the strange dichotomy of my world. One minute I’m on the phone with one of the greatest football players of the last twenty years, the next minute I’m getting yelled at by my mom like I’m 15.

12:09pm- Jared tells me about someone who has a problem with me. I’m shocked by the fact that it’s past noon and this is the first such occurrence of the day. I must be getting soft. Dan Kennedy always says if you haven’t pissed someone off by noon every day you’re not doing a very good job.

12:17pm- I receive an email from the person in question. I write back.

12:28pm- Get a text from my friend Andrew who tells me that his legs are covered in mosquito bites from our dinner together the night before. I tell him I’ve already scratched my ankles to a bloody pulp. We laugh about my quip to the waitress about how I couldn’t choke down the hockey puck I was served and the jokes that ensued afterwards. “This is bone dry too?!” You had to be there. The point is I spend a good portion of my day in hysterical laughter and place a premium on comedy.

It seems like I choose my friends by their ability to make me laugh or find the humor in all that I do. Which is pretty much everything.

12:39pm- Realized I was running late for lunch with mom but luckily I got my running late habit from her and she’s running later than me.

1:05pm- Call Jen, who’s back in Cali while waiting outside the restaurant for my mom. We go over some business stuff, then she tells me that I’m gonna miss the Santa Monica Food Festival this weekend. For someone who likes to eat as much as I do that kinda sucks. I tell her that I’m also gonna miss getting laid. Which kinda sucks worse.

DaNunz Pumps the Guns

1:10pm- I get a text from another athlete client who is on the road and needs some tweaks to his program based on what’s available in the gym he’s at. I send him back the changes.

1:12pm- Another text from a college athlete of mine checking in to say hi and update me on things. He tells me that my old friend, Sal Alosi of the New York Jets, is their new strength coach and said hi.

1:16pm- Mom shows up late and we eat. I get chicken and pasta. The stress and lack of sleep lately is shrinking me rapidly so I need to pack in some calories.

2:03pm- Check my phone after lunch and see a text from my buddy Sean Hyson, updating me on his trip to Vegas for the Mr. Olympia. Since I’m across the street from the mall I decide to run in and see if I can find some new shorts and pants which I desperately need.

3pm- Walk out of the mall empty handed. This is pretty much the case nine out of ten times I go to any mall. That is, of course, if you’re not counting the unsolicited phone numbers I receive while shopping.

“HI-OH!”

Just kidding. Well except for the two guys that told me to call them. They thought I’d be perfect as a “fluffer” for their next film. I’m not exactly sure what that means but the spank on my ass they gave me assured me that they meant business.

“I think it may have moved.”

“Moved?”

“It may have moved, I don’t know.”

“I’m sure it didn’t move.”

“It moved! It was imperceptible but I felt it.”

Ah, that never gets old…

3:05pm- Text Joe DeFranco a question about some equipment I’m thinking of getting for the gym.

3:11pm- Get a call about the possibility of training one of the best high school teams in the state, or at least some of them. We set up a tentative date to get the ball rolling.

3:15- Hop in the car and am greeted by the sounds of that whiny, screechy weird Lil Wayne/ Ne-Yo hip hop/ R&B stuff that all sounds the same to me these days… HORRIBLE. So I put on Hip Hop Junkies by Nice and Smooth and head to a 4pm meeting about something that could be pretty big.

5:20pm- Back at Renegade and back in coaching mode. But first I discuss the importance of not sounding or appearing too desperate when you first meet a girl you are interested in with a young friend of mine. Girls are like attack dogs and can sniff out fear or desperation from a mile away.

Sending that one extra text or asking that one weird question can be the death of any possible relationship or one night stand long before it starts. You need to at least appear like you have things going for you and your life isn’t hinging upon her getting back to or spending time with you.

The key to this is to keep a steady rotation, I explain, so then you’re never putting all your eggs in one basket. If it doesn’t work out with one you have 2-4 to fall back on. Then you’ll never be desperate which leads to getting more girls, etc, etc. Success breeds success.

But be prepared for girls who were at first quite busy all the time when you wanted to get to know them better to never have anything going on ever when you no longer do. That always makes for lots of fun and weirdness.

5:30-7:30pm- Run two groups through the paces, crack some jokes and talk some shit to raise the level of competition in the gym. In my evil and devious mind I constantly plot ways to get the crew fired up and pissed off enough to outdo each other at all costs. An example of this is me telling 23 year old Jeff how embarrassed he will be if 48 year old Mark beats him on the Power Wheel Pushup challenge (seen below), especially since he’s been training with me for nine years, one longer than Mark. I whisper in Mark’s ear that he’s getting old and may not have the heart to fend off the young lions anymore. He proves me wrong.

7:30pm- At this point I’m overtired and wired so I decide to train with the last group. I put on Spaz Out by Jedi Mind Tricks (featuring Apathy, King Magnetic, Esoteric and Celph Titled) and I’m ready to go. Motivated by the performance of my 58 year old friend and client, Paul (seen in the video below) and staff member Yaniv (also seen below) I hit the military presses hard along with some chins and curls. It was all I had time for as I had to meet mom for dinner. For the biceps I introduced two of my coaches to a very secret technique I just invented that night called “running the rack.” I would tell you about it but then I’d have to kill you.

9:06pm- Roll into the Pluckemin Inn for dinner, six minutes late.

“Where were you the whole time?”

“It’s 9:06. I said I’d be here by 9.”

“Oh. Ok.”

After a pretty sub par, shlocky meal mom says how she wishes Ed was here and misses him every day. She said she was talking to him in the car on the way home from work. I start tearing up. It’s been two years but it still happens every time. I keep a picture of Ed next to my bed and touch it every morning when I wake up, promising to make him proud.

10:47pm- Back home and completely exhausted. I send an email about some nutrition and supplement stuff to another one of my pro guys and return a few other business related emails. My friend Jon Le Toq wants to know when I want to book the Renegade seminar in London and for me to shoot him a few possible dates to secure the gym.

There’s another email from my friend Paul Mort who simply wants to know if I’ve ever noticed how the skin on your balls resembles both elbow and chicken skin. I tell him that the thought occupies my mind for most of the day.

11:23pm- Log in to the Renegade Inner Circle and answer a few dozen questions for a half hour while trying to keep my eyelids pried open.

11:56pm- Tell Jen I love her and thank her for dealing with me. Then crash into bed, hoping to get some sleep. The hustle starts again bright and early tomorrow.